Humiliation

Today was humiliating.
I was playing some soccer at the YMCA and I (my team) was totally humiliated. 6 losses and 1 draw. Wow. I've honestly never been so humiliated.
Granted, I had a fever and a cold and I could hardly run; still, none of the guys knew that.

Interestingly, before leaving to play, I spent some time in prayer and I read Matthew 13:31-32 :
³¹ He put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. ³² It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.”

And right then this scripture was brought to remembrance, which was also mentioned at church today:
²⁰ Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. ²¹ And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.” ²² Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” They said to him, “We are able.” ²³ He said to them, “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” ²⁴ And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers. ²⁵ But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. ²⁶ It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,^[c] 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,^[d] 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Just a sidenote : When I read the word 'served'. this is the first thing that came to my mind -

That's jokes!

Back to what I was saying: As I meditated on this passage, verse 25 stuck out to me : "..the rulers of the gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them." I then thought about how while playing soccer, or any sport for that matter, mostly, guys at least, try to prove their dominance over one another trying to nutmeg them or just be better not to win but to prove a point, i.e., they're better than the other person. 

Going into the games, I decided that I wouldn't show any pride but I guess God had to teach me a thing or two. The same thing that I was warned about happened :/

However, I thank God that he has revealed this to me, that in the kingdom of Heaven, which is within every believer of Jesus Christ, "..whoever would be great among you MUST be a servant..". Oh my! That has powerful implications.

Learning to live King size by being a servant. The upside down Kingdom :)

Can't do it

Remember those times during the message or worship where you vow/promise God that you will lay down everything? Remember those times when you're watching a video that stirs you and 'propels' you to do something and you decide 'firmly' that you are finally going to take action?

Those are some things that convict me to change. To revolutionize the way I live life. I love those feelings. Those convictions. I love changing to become more like Christ. That is my life's passion BUT how often do I really follow through my convictions?
How often do I keep those promises and do what I wanted to do. Sacrifice that time, money, energy for a cause worth giving everything up for.

John 13:36-38 :-
Peter :“Lord, where are you going?”

Jesus :“Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.”

Peter :“Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”

Jesus :“Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!

Hmm, if I were Jesus, I would encourage Peter to go all out but why did Jesus not do that?

He knew that Peter was weak.

He knows that we are weak. Fallible. Prone to wander. Prone to retract on our promises. That when we no longer are dwelling in His presence our real desires pop out. The reality is, I cannot lay down my life. Yes, I am called to but I cannot. Bad news? Yes.

However, praise be to God that the gospel not only demands but enables(yes!) us to lay down our lives! Peter didn't wish for something that was a 'higher order of Christianity' that only few who would be willing would lay down their lives. Instead, in Luke 14, Jesus tells us that unless we lay down our lives and everything we have, we cannot be His disciples! And if you're not His disciple, you are not bearing fruit (John 15:8) and if no fruit is borne, does not abide in Him (John 15:4) and if you do not abide in Him, you are thrown into the fire (John 15:6).
The implications of not laying down your life is very heavy. It costs you your life. And that why Jesus said if you try to save your life, you will lose it but if you lose (lay down) your life, you will gain it.

The solution is : His Spirit! Of the depths of His wisdom and His ways. He is not an abstract God who sits far away and demands us to live out His rules but He enables us. Yes! He lives in us through His Spirit to live out and love those things that our old nature hates. Wow!
It is an honor to lay down my life when I live a life led by the Spirit.

God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him!

Peter, after he was empowered by the Holy Spirit (Acts 2), he was able to lay down his life boldly. No more did it matter to him if people made fun of him or conspired behind his back. He laid down his life to death; he was martyred for the sake of Christ.

Do I desire to lay down my life? Yes
Can I really lay down my life wholly, even unto death? Not sure. Mostly, no.
Would I be able to? No.
How do I do it? By trusting in Jesus and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal the places where I fail to trust Him to work through my life and instead trust in my flesh!

Holy Spirit, help me to give my utmost for your highest. To lay down my life with your strength. I can't do it; at all. No amount of wishful thinking, mental assent or conviction can really help me to lay down my life. Only you can empower me to gladly lay down my life.

Living King Size.  

Soo Excited

Two things :

1. I just ordered two books :

My Utmost for His Highest- Oswald Chambers (http://www.amazon.com/Utmost-His-Highest-Classic-Edition/dp/0916441822)

Beauty of Spiritual Language- Jack Hayford (http://www.amazon.com/The-Beauty-Of-Spiritual-Language/product-reviews/0785272682/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_btm?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending)

Some reviews regarding the latter that point to the fact that is sketchy and doesn't have proper exegesis. But whatever, let me see how it is; not like there's a lot of verses on 'speaking in tongues'.

The first book, I'm just so excited. I'm pretty sure it's about laying down my life to gain it and I'm all about that, I think. One thing I've encountered and I think might be a hindrance is that I would love dying to myself but really never get to that. It's great getting excited about it but if I'm not going to take tangible steps, it doesn't matter how much I read. I pray that as I read His word and this book, too, I will be convicted and through the Spirit, be able to move.

2. CAMP REUNION :

Woah, I'm so excited for this. Although I might not remember most of their names, I'm looking forward to knowing how they have been these past 3 months!

One thing that has spurred my heart, possibly because when I had to prepare to give my testimony of how God has changed my life at P2C, it led me to self-examine, reflect and also reminisce whether I was really saved, and what are those changes. It led me to see what my deep cravings are and how Jesus satisfied that.
I've learnt that everyone has a craving. Mostly, a craving for acceptance and intimacy. Especially, teens and I see so many teens and young kids trying to satisfy their God-shaped vacuum with finite things/people.
This reunion, I want to share with as many kids as possible that Jesus ONLY can satisfy them. He provides living waters for my soul. And not only that, springs of living water that flow out from withing(John 7:38,39). From deserts, to wet places to springs that give out. Isn't the wisdom of God amazing?


Living king size.

You just have to ask.

Lately, especially this week, I've been feeling soo spiritually dry; I wonder why.

Thank God for the Word of God from John today! It lifted me up.

He spoke about how the woman had 5 husbands which showed that she tried getting satisfied but failed! Also, Jesus is the living water!

Some more insight that I have received through God's Spirit on this chapter is from verses 10 and 11.

v10- .."If you know the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give me a drink', you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

11- and the well is deep.
The well is deep. You cannot fill it up by gorging on your own. You have no strength at all.
I've learnt this over and over again that I am radically dependent on Jesus for the living water which is the Holy Spirit(John 7:37,38)!!!

And How do you get that living water which fills up that deep well? All you have to do is ask? My! It's that easy! And that's all I have to do! Just ask! Oh the complexity, yet simplicity of God's goodness! Oh the simpleness of this truth!

Even right now, inspired and convicted by what was spoken today, I really couldn't feel God's presence. I mean, those times where you try and nothing happens. God then reminded me that I should be radically dependent on His strength, His grace and His sufficiency and not on my ability. To the degree I am dependent on Him, that much I am strengthened by Him.

Oh! This simple truth :)


Meanwhile, I'm wearing this T-shirt and the words printed on it really disturb me lol :

 I feel it's really narcissistic.

Don't let go

Today was different. It just felt so drab; so mundane and uninteresting. Most of it is because I'm not looking to God for my joy, I think. I really want to go deep, to go all out, to live sacrificially irrespective of the costs. But then again my  perspective shifts to this selfish mode which I oh so detest!
I can't live selfishly. It kills me! Sucks the very life out of me.

I need you, Oh God. I need you. Do not let me wallow in this. I need you every hour.

He is my everything; so precious.