Humiliation

Today was humiliating.
I was playing some soccer at the YMCA and I (my team) was totally humiliated. 6 losses and 1 draw. Wow. I've honestly never been so humiliated.
Granted, I had a fever and a cold and I could hardly run; still, none of the guys knew that.

Interestingly, before leaving to play, I spent some time in prayer and I read Matthew 13:31-32 :
³¹ He put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. ³² It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.”

And right then this scripture was brought to remembrance, which was also mentioned at church today:
²⁰ Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. ²¹ And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.” ²² Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” They said to him, “We are able.” ²³ He said to them, “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” ²⁴ And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers. ²⁵ But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. ²⁶ It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,^[c] 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,^[d] 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Just a sidenote : When I read the word 'served'. this is the first thing that came to my mind -

That's jokes!

Back to what I was saying: As I meditated on this passage, verse 25 stuck out to me : "..the rulers of the gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them." I then thought about how while playing soccer, or any sport for that matter, mostly, guys at least, try to prove their dominance over one another trying to nutmeg them or just be better not to win but to prove a point, i.e., they're better than the other person. 

Going into the games, I decided that I wouldn't show any pride but I guess God had to teach me a thing or two. The same thing that I was warned about happened :/

However, I thank God that he has revealed this to me, that in the kingdom of Heaven, which is within every believer of Jesus Christ, "..whoever would be great among you MUST be a servant..". Oh my! That has powerful implications.

Learning to live King size by being a servant. The upside down Kingdom :)

Can't do it

Remember those times during the message or worship where you vow/promise God that you will lay down everything? Remember those times when you're watching a video that stirs you and 'propels' you to do something and you decide 'firmly' that you are finally going to take action?

Those are some things that convict me to change. To revolutionize the way I live life. I love those feelings. Those convictions. I love changing to become more like Christ. That is my life's passion BUT how often do I really follow through my convictions?
How often do I keep those promises and do what I wanted to do. Sacrifice that time, money, energy for a cause worth giving everything up for.

John 13:36-38 :-
Peter :“Lord, where are you going?”

Jesus :“Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.”

Peter :“Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”

Jesus :“Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!

Hmm, if I were Jesus, I would encourage Peter to go all out but why did Jesus not do that?

He knew that Peter was weak.

He knows that we are weak. Fallible. Prone to wander. Prone to retract on our promises. That when we no longer are dwelling in His presence our real desires pop out. The reality is, I cannot lay down my life. Yes, I am called to but I cannot. Bad news? Yes.

However, praise be to God that the gospel not only demands but enables(yes!) us to lay down our lives! Peter didn't wish for something that was a 'higher order of Christianity' that only few who would be willing would lay down their lives. Instead, in Luke 14, Jesus tells us that unless we lay down our lives and everything we have, we cannot be His disciples! And if you're not His disciple, you are not bearing fruit (John 15:8) and if no fruit is borne, does not abide in Him (John 15:4) and if you do not abide in Him, you are thrown into the fire (John 15:6).
The implications of not laying down your life is very heavy. It costs you your life. And that why Jesus said if you try to save your life, you will lose it but if you lose (lay down) your life, you will gain it.

The solution is : His Spirit! Of the depths of His wisdom and His ways. He is not an abstract God who sits far away and demands us to live out His rules but He enables us. Yes! He lives in us through His Spirit to live out and love those things that our old nature hates. Wow!
It is an honor to lay down my life when I live a life led by the Spirit.

God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him!

Peter, after he was empowered by the Holy Spirit (Acts 2), he was able to lay down his life boldly. No more did it matter to him if people made fun of him or conspired behind his back. He laid down his life to death; he was martyred for the sake of Christ.

Do I desire to lay down my life? Yes
Can I really lay down my life wholly, even unto death? Not sure. Mostly, no.
Would I be able to? No.
How do I do it? By trusting in Jesus and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal the places where I fail to trust Him to work through my life and instead trust in my flesh!

Holy Spirit, help me to give my utmost for your highest. To lay down my life with your strength. I can't do it; at all. No amount of wishful thinking, mental assent or conviction can really help me to lay down my life. Only you can empower me to gladly lay down my life.

Living King Size.  

Soo Excited

Two things :

1. I just ordered two books :

My Utmost for His Highest- Oswald Chambers (http://www.amazon.com/Utmost-His-Highest-Classic-Edition/dp/0916441822)

Beauty of Spiritual Language- Jack Hayford (http://www.amazon.com/The-Beauty-Of-Spiritual-Language/product-reviews/0785272682/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_btm?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending)

Some reviews regarding the latter that point to the fact that is sketchy and doesn't have proper exegesis. But whatever, let me see how it is; not like there's a lot of verses on 'speaking in tongues'.

The first book, I'm just so excited. I'm pretty sure it's about laying down my life to gain it and I'm all about that, I think. One thing I've encountered and I think might be a hindrance is that I would love dying to myself but really never get to that. It's great getting excited about it but if I'm not going to take tangible steps, it doesn't matter how much I read. I pray that as I read His word and this book, too, I will be convicted and through the Spirit, be able to move.

2. CAMP REUNION :

Woah, I'm so excited for this. Although I might not remember most of their names, I'm looking forward to knowing how they have been these past 3 months!

One thing that has spurred my heart, possibly because when I had to prepare to give my testimony of how God has changed my life at P2C, it led me to self-examine, reflect and also reminisce whether I was really saved, and what are those changes. It led me to see what my deep cravings are and how Jesus satisfied that.
I've learnt that everyone has a craving. Mostly, a craving for acceptance and intimacy. Especially, teens and I see so many teens and young kids trying to satisfy their God-shaped vacuum with finite things/people.
This reunion, I want to share with as many kids as possible that Jesus ONLY can satisfy them. He provides living waters for my soul. And not only that, springs of living water that flow out from withing(John 7:38,39). From deserts, to wet places to springs that give out. Isn't the wisdom of God amazing?


Living king size.

You just have to ask.

Lately, especially this week, I've been feeling soo spiritually dry; I wonder why.

Thank God for the Word of God from John today! It lifted me up.

He spoke about how the woman had 5 husbands which showed that she tried getting satisfied but failed! Also, Jesus is the living water!

Some more insight that I have received through God's Spirit on this chapter is from verses 10 and 11.

v10- .."If you know the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give me a drink', you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

11- and the well is deep.
The well is deep. You cannot fill it up by gorging on your own. You have no strength at all.
I've learnt this over and over again that I am radically dependent on Jesus for the living water which is the Holy Spirit(John 7:37,38)!!!

And How do you get that living water which fills up that deep well? All you have to do is ask? My! It's that easy! And that's all I have to do! Just ask! Oh the complexity, yet simplicity of God's goodness! Oh the simpleness of this truth!

Even right now, inspired and convicted by what was spoken today, I really couldn't feel God's presence. I mean, those times where you try and nothing happens. God then reminded me that I should be radically dependent on His strength, His grace and His sufficiency and not on my ability. To the degree I am dependent on Him, that much I am strengthened by Him.

Oh! This simple truth :)


Meanwhile, I'm wearing this T-shirt and the words printed on it really disturb me lol :

 I feel it's really narcissistic.

Don't let go

Today was different. It just felt so drab; so mundane and uninteresting. Most of it is because I'm not looking to God for my joy, I think. I really want to go deep, to go all out, to live sacrificially irrespective of the costs. But then again my  perspective shifts to this selfish mode which I oh so detest!
I can't live selfishly. It kills me! Sucks the very life out of me.

I need you, Oh God. I need you. Do not let me wallow in this. I need you every hour.

He is my everything; so precious.

I will risk it.

"I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me.
I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding you love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.” - Donald Miller


Since last year, I've always wondered and debated on the fact that it is men who have to initiate relationships and pursue relentlessly. In Indian tradition, that is not always the case, although my dad didn't really follow suit : The parents usually find a good girl for you, you meet up and ta-daaa - you're married, if you like the girl. Simple, right?

However, this past year, being in Canada and attending the church young adults group and all, I have learnt that men pursue women.

And so I have grappled with the question : If God really cares about me and my heart and doesn't wan't me to fall prey to heartbreaks then why would he ask me to pursue someone and make myself vulnerable? Why wouldn't God just reveal to me in a dream what/who my wife is?
Of course, God could but that wouldn't always be the case.

I think as adopted sons of God, as we learn to live Spirit-filled lives, we ask for wisdom and God pours i out to us. Sometimes, we just have to use our discretion and wisdom. Not barring the fact that we ask for God's desire in our lives but, we our enabled to live a life pleasing to God through the Spirit of wisdom.

Most importantly, coming back to the part of risking oneself in pursuing. Jesus risked rejection when he pursued me. So many people reject his appeal; his pursuit of their hearts. He gave it all. He made himself fully vulnerable. He deserves all our worship and love. Yet, so many reject him daily for things that cannot satisfy. For false intimacies. He risked it. 

In the same way I will risk it. When I am of age and the right maturity, I will pursue. Not foolishly, of course. I will pursue a woman who loves God and has the same vision as me. In that pursuit, there is room for heart break, but, if I don't risk it, I risk regretting not taking that risk.


I got the inspiration to this Blog post from this video :

Do check it out.

Until then and even after, I will continually love my Jesus who is so worthy of all my love and all my adoration. When is He not worthy loving back?

Filled with the Spirit?

Many times I wonder what people not familiar with Christian-ese think about our jargon. For example, "He touched me" (lol, where?) or "I wash my robes (in the blood of the Lamb)" - why not wash your shirt? or Kandura? Just find that hilarious.

I was just talking with my mom about being 'Filled with the Spirit'. I partly agree with her on the fact that the Holy Spirit doesn't leave us once we give Him control but can be quenched. Where I disagree is the point that we cannot be filled with more and that God has given the fullness of the Spirit.
I'm not too sure about my position although I'd say that I lean more towards the side of being filled more, continually.

Working at Scott Mission Camp this summer, our theme was 'Fruit of the Spirit'. Our theme passage was (I;m going to say it from memory. Let's see how much I remember) : " For I say, walk by the Spirit and you shall not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are contrary to the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are contrary to the Flesh. They are contrary to one another to keep you doing from the things that you want to do...but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; Against such there is no law and those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh along with its passions and desires "! Galatians 5:16, 17, 21,22
Honestly, I did not look at the bible. Hopefully, it's correct! That's what repeating it 5 times in 8 weeks can do!

Another scripture on walking in the Spirit :  Romans 8:13,14 : " For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God"

 I am a failure!

Yes, I said it.

I can do nothing. I can try, yes but I WILL fail. I know it. I cannot love every time as Jesus did. I cannot be patient with my family all the time (most of the time, really). I cannot keep my eyes from lusting. I cannot live a holy life.
I need His Spirit EVERY HOUR. Ephesians 5:18- .."Be filled with the Spirit". If you want your Christian life to be out of a place of love and gratitude and not duty, be filled with the Spirit!


Now, how does this look like in a practical sense?
Reading the WOORRDD!!
I was reading this book the other day : 'Radical' be David Platt where he talks about this worship service in Asia. There were no entertainment systems. No keyboards, guitars or any band of any sorts but just God's children and His word. I think as Christians, we have to depend on His word. Meditate on it day and night!
I don't think we live in the Spirit merely by mental assent. We have to submit our will to God daily! That is essential! Romans 12:1-2.

Live in the Spirit. 

God is most glorified when you are most satisfied in Him.

Pressing on

A really lazy day today. Just raining the whole time. Apparently it's going to be this way for the remaining week. That's a pity, but hey! I'm not one to despair, I've got 2 midterms coming up this Friday; can't wait to get that over with.

Loved today's worship. Everything went really well; Good keys-friendly songs. What touched me and was much more important is what God spoke through Pastor Peter - Joseph.

It's remarkable how much a young man had to go through. Yes, people see him and they see that he was elevated at such a young age (comparatively) but every gem that shines undergoes years of pressure, of rejection, of disappointment, of refusal, of denial. Enough to push any ordinary man down the ladder and into the abyss, even Joseph. However, one thing that he did, that distinguished him from others was that "the LORD was with him."(Genesis 39:21)

How does this apply to me?
Lately, well, from the beginning of this year, I have been facing a really dry season in my spiritual walk with God. It definitely is God asking me to seek Him more, to delve deeper in His presence, to trust and depend on Him more and to experience and realize the fact that I cannot do anything without His grace through the Holy Spirit.
However, it's already almost a year! How long do I have to wait till I have that 'something more'? Every time when I read His word or hear a word, I can see God wooing me in, to go deeper and that 'final destination' is close.

Slowly, yet surely I know my time will come. It is difficult to see everyone having the greatest times in God's presence. Mistake me not, I have great times refreshing in His presence but then it doesn't last. It leaves me wanting more. Maybe there's nothing to wait for but then again I know He will come.

Jesus said in John 7:37-39 - "On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.38Whoever believes in me, as^c the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” 39By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified."

"Hunger and thirst for His righteousness, and you'll be filled. "

Hanging on my salvation and knowledge of the hope  I have in Christ. Oh, that he would choose me, a sinner not deserving his acknowledgement or selection, full of sin, that He would die for me, save me, change me and continually pour out his love on me. Right now I am content living in His will as I always shall be. However, I will go after the more he has for me. There is no limit to His Spirit(John 3:34).

It's wonderful to know Jesus. Oh, that I have found unconditional love in the person of Jesus Christ!!!!!

Sucker

Im a sucker for family/romance/comedy movies. It's just so beautiful. Wow, honestly, I can't wait to get married, to serve and honour my wife, to love my children; such an honour.
First, I need to build myself; from a boy to a man.

Just saw this one. Based on a true story :
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1389137/ - We bought a zoo. Got Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson in it. (Y)

Meanwhile, my day was great. Was at this conference about Jesus' uniqueness and historical evidence. There were pretty strong arguments and concrete proofs on the life, death, resurrection of Jesus. At the end of the day, you can have all that and still not believe in Jesus, that he took on your death penalty. And that revelation can only come when the Holy Spirit regenerates you.
Hurts me deep down when I see my friends unresponsive to the gospel. Anyway, I can only tell; it is His job to grow that seed.

2 Corinthians 8:17 - Now if we are children, then we are heirs —heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. 

Stir it up!

Patience

Wow, I need so much more patience.

Living with my fam after one year of staying alone IS a BIG deal.

Ugh! My small brother just makes these weird crying noises everytime. so irritating. He's cool though. Because he's my brother (H)

My dad loves the house spotless, which I'm not very used to, so anything short of that is not acceptable. Got to learn a lot.

How can I be so impatient with my fam. and be the most tolerant guy otherwise? Baffles me.


Meanwhile, I've noticed something: Since the past few days, since my fam. have come over, I've hardly had any dreams! And I love dreams because they are so cool, escaping and just fantastical and also it's God speaking to me(sometimes). Troubles me because I used to have like 5 dreams (No kidding) every night! Guess I'll just have to wait.......

I'm skipping on the church's summer camp 'coz its 60 bucks. No way I'm paying that when I haven't even started working. Wish I could go to. There's the summer camp where I'm working, starting next week, anyway. So yay!


Oh, btw, I found something really illuminating : The difference between the grace of God and the law which God gave to the Israelites!

Galatians 3:23-25
 Before the coming of this faith,^[j] we were held in custody under the law, locked up until the faith that was to come would be revealed. ²⁴ So the law was our guardian until Christ came that we might be justified by faith. ²⁵ Now that this faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian
.
So the reason why we, Christians, don't have to follow all those ceremonial and civil laws of the Old Testament is because God's grace has taken over, empowered and set me free. Good news :)

Testing

Just amazing that how through testing tines, you can have Godly peace.

Honestly, really financially strenuous times at the moment. Sucks, but that's life; you go up and down. Guess that keeps you in your senses.

Anyway, im having a great time with fam.
Whoops! Clasps of thunder and streaks of lightning as I type.
Back to my fam.: they're doing fantastic!

Yes, there are times they absolutely test my patience; for the slightest of things.!!!!!

The other day, it was cloudy and me and my brothers were walking back from church.
While we were walking back, my brother flashes my sunglasses and I'm like woahhh! And he wears them and tells they are his. I get irritated/angry or whatever and tell him they aren't and argue with him. I then start to get red!
That's when I decided to walk away. Boy! What a good idea that was . I then realised how petty and foolish was the reason that I had got angry. And I'm 18! Gosh!
If it wasn't me praying and asking God to give me patience I certainly would have blasted there!
Stan was a dear though; he returned the glasses and insisted on my stubborn refusal to take it.
He can be a great brother:)

Meanwhile, the youngest guy's a really sensitive guy. Sigh. Got to choose my words so carefully. God help me.

Off to bed.
I'm tired!!
Had a fun day at STC. Yep, waited for 20 mins to talk to a rep. At TD and another 15 to get it done:/

Great days.

What a Christian must do:

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20 ESV)

Seemingly

Well, life does seemingly seem like a defeat; a total waste.
I've felt that a lot of times, where I just go day to day and I go what did I just do.
And when my parents struggle with their jobs and with daily activities, hope just seems lost sometimes.

However, I CHOOSE to trust God in everything. Not just a vocal, mindless expression but from the bottom of my heart. I put all my trust and hope in Jesus that through everything, He will bring me out victorious, just like He promised. And I look forward to it; being made more like Him day after day.

I CHOOSE to be faithful to God, to spend time with Him, to sacrifice my life and my desires for Him because He is worth it. Not out of a motive to receive anything in return, but because it is an honor. Even when I do not feel like it, when I'm busy, when I'm devastated, when I'm ecstatic, through it all, I choose to remain faithful.

Many times, life can be a walk-through and it is all good, but when the tough gets going, I believe, you can only get going in the right direction by choosing actions despite your circumstance.

Living King Size is not living without problems, but it is living through the ebbs and flows of life, abiding under the shadow of the Almighty, bolstered by the joy of my King.

So God help me.

Crowded

They've arrived!:D

Really happy to see my fam(half of them)!

Dad was jealous that I managed to get rid of my excess fat:P his first comment when he saw me was 'wow, you look like Chinese; become thin'.. Something along those lines. He probably said that because I wore light green shorts. That's Indian perspective on wearing light-coloured clothes lol.

My brothers are on the laptop the whole day; taking advantage of the express wi-fi, unlike India.

Feel so lazy while they're around.

Off to nap; really drowsy.
Hasta mañana.

An end of an interesting chapter

Really long since I've last written my thoughts down here. Not so much has happened though.

This weekend, I was at SMC! It was fun; just great. I had high ropes training. I was very scared initially because I have this major fear of heights - totally irrational. I would sweat every time I thought about the training.
Training went well; I was a bit peeved because the instructor didn't see fit that I became a rescuer and only though me how to belay. Well, I admit it took time for me to learn to belay, but still, I wanted to get those credentials. 

Church on Sunday. Played the keys. I loved it. Just love how music gets those creative juices in me flowing. If only my future was associated with worship and music, it would be a big dream come true.  The only reason I'm doing business school is because it is the only thing outside of music that I know, and what will give me the bucks to raise my family. On the other hand, isn't that selfish and prideful? Trying to provide for myself when God knows how to...I don't know.

Had korrean bbq sunday night. Ate LOTS. JUst stuffed myself. I think I shouldn't have; especially when I had checked my weight earlier that day at STC and found my weight to be around 5 pounds higher(well, 7-8, but you're supposed to round it up, right?They always thought that to me for math) than last month. 

Anyway, the crux of today's post: My dad and my brothers are arriving tomorrow from Hindustan! I'm excited, most certainly but it also the end of my independent life. For now, that is. I was just beginning to enjoy, appreciate and revel in it but I guess God has His plans. I wonder how this will all play out. Buying a house, paying my tuition, cooking for my fam., showing them around, which church will I have to attend? the one currently( Which I so want to) or somewhere else?

I guess I'm rested in the fact that God has EVERYTHING under control. Not a little bit hustled. Well, maybe a bit. 

Also, God's being reminding me about faithfulness, which includes getting up early in the morning according to what he's asked me, i.e., I have to sleep now! 

SO, goodnight. Philippians 1:6.

Idols..

Wow I just realized this. Had to put it up here.
I watched another rom-com today : wedding crashers.
Watched another one yesterday after watching forgetting sarah marshall. Forgot the name though...

Anyway, my point is that I have made intimacy/'love' my idol. I'm chasing after it as if it can satisfy my love. While I was resting on my bed while the movie credits rolled, this thought just hit me. I think it was the Holy Spirit convicting me.
It's just that I so desire that intimacy and want it to be fulfilled that I look to movies in order to 'fulfill' it; momentarily.

Today, I saw this testimony of a lady who grew up in a Christian home and yet she hadn't understood the gospel. She shared her experience on how, suddenly, one day it hit her (https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I76D2bb_zYA). It was about 40 minutes long, but it was beautiful. She emphasized the point that apart from Christ, she was a depraved wretch; me too.
As I listened to that testimony, the gospel was preached to me once again and it resonated deep within me.
I could only cry, in happiness, that I was and am a sinner, a horrible one, according to God's laws, but Jesus willingly came to the Earth and died a torturous death in order to pay my penalty for sinning against God. Wow. I wasn't even crying, I was groaning/moaning, or as they say in my language, konkanni, uskun uskun radun aslo.

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" Romans 11:33 


How great is His wisdom in sending Jesus for me and giving me perfect peace.


I love you, Jesus.


Tired and gotta sleep.
Nighty night.

rom-coms

Im addicted to romo-coms! just watched forgetting sarah marshall.
sigh it was great.

tired, but energized.

I just noticed; Every time I decide a topic for a new post, the only thing that comes to my mind is tired, tiring, tiresome. Guess I need to brush up on my vocab.

Well, a few days since I last blogged.

Had a hectic but excellent weekend! Excellent for me because I hardly do anything during the week.
Well, on Saturday, we had this fundraiser and it went pretty well. The songs went good and all that.
Check this out : http://www.africaarise.ca/.
Returned home at like 1 after watching the game at Fox and the Fiddle. It was alright

Today was great. just great. Was kind of on time for the service. OK, I was a bit late.

I've just realized that I am so unpunctual! and I've tried correcting that but no matter what I try, I;m usually 15 min. late; which is so embarrassing because it happens every time; especially when everyone watches you walking in. Gotta correct that. From today.

Got a slight concussion today. Was playing this game and I crashed against this sturdy guy and fell to the ground. Didn't expect that to happen. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, I guess. The result of that accident : My shoulder's bruised, got an abrasion little below my elbow and on the side of my thigh and the worst of all - yep, my head's aching hard.

At first when I was helped up, I just saw stars from one side. Was dizzy for 20 minutes. Still hurts as i write, 12 hours since the incident. Etch's dad dressed it. Really kind of him. I absolutely love the people at church. Even Mike; He dressed up my wound, gave me some gauges and antibiotic. God Bless them.

Anyway, in the evening we had this youth/young adult event at John's place. The boys had to serve the girls(from the heart, if I may). We were supposed to reach there by 5 and the girls by 6. I reached there by 3:45, slept there and got up at 6:15- FAIL. It helped my headache though, although it came back 15 min after I woke up.
I was still dizzy when they were preparing the food and all. We made pasta, grilled cheese, waffles with ice cream and some other stuff I guess.
Then, each guy encouraged a girl. It was great. They deserved it. It was a success; I would say that.

My head still hurts and it's kind of throbbing. Hope nothing serious happens while I'm asleep...

Goodnight

Isaiah 40:31-but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Well, another thought just popped up. I'm just having this struggle with having crushes and dating right now or waiting for the 'right time'. I've somewhat decided that I'd marry my wife after 1-2 years of dating. No more than that, I hope. THat's so tough though; in this generation at least. Sigh, If life was easy as ABC. It would be boring.

Glad that God's on my side. If not, I would be a total wreck, honestly.
Goodnight for the last time today.

ugh!

Ugh! fell once again.

oh God.

Daily bread

Oh I forgot to add:
I was doing my devotions/Bible reading while I was at McD's and what God spoke through His word was on treating His sacrifice and His offering lightly.(I Samuel 1:29'Why do you kick at My sacrifice and My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling place, and honour your sons more than Me, to make yourselves fat with the best of all the offerings of Israel My people?'). 

My time, my body is my sacrifice to Him which He commands(Romans 12:1-2) and I am His dwelling (Romans 6). I learnt not to honour 'my sons', i.e., anything else more than God. He deserves my first fruits, the best of everything I can give and that's what the Holy Spirit convicted me of tonight.

Day wasted.

Today, I did nothing. Honestly, nothing. Woke up at 10:30, watched Night at the Museum while I had corn flakes and then surfed a bit. Watched American Reunion(oops), surfed a bit, and then saw Night at the Museum 2.

The second part was a bit of a disappointment. What I did like was Amy Adams acting.
Anyway, from the time I woke up, I wanted to spend my time with God, but ugh! couldnt get myself to.
I just love rom-coms. They're such an escape for me. I partly wish if life was that easy/perfect/stress-free. Especially Night at the Museum 2; felt this deep need for companionship. Probably I should have been praying..

Sigh, I'm a total mess. If it weren't for God, dare think what would have become of me. Even now, I just wish, I just wish sometimes that I could do what I want to, what everyone does, but then I can't. I am crucified with Christ and I no longer live. I guess that means I have to sacrifice my selfish desires. Oh God help me.

Then, I had practice for this fundraiser. went well. There, while the others were practicing this particular song, I was reading this book : "One thing you can't do in Heaven". It was about evangelizing and how he(the author) had the heart to. One of his 'secrets' was that he didn't do it with mentality that he 'had' to do it, he did it with the mentality that he 'got' to do it. Similarly, applying it to prayer, bible reading, etc. I guess that's a lesson for me.

Returned home after that and because I was a bit hungry, went off for a late night snack to Pita Land to have some Arabic appetizers (https://twitter.com/hansiefer/status/208031325888847872/photo/1). Then had coffee and muffins- bad idea. Still awake and its 1, because of that.

While I was returning home, met two Russian(I guess) couples. One husband was petting his stomach; drunk probably. While I crossed him, he called me and asked if there were any casinos in Toronto. I was like no, but they have them at Niagara Falls. He then bid me on my way.

And now I;m home. 2 am and I've unsuccessfully tried to sleep early once again. Dear God, how do I obey you and get up early? :/

Hansie, you've got lots to do.

Adios.

Explore.

Walked from Uni to home. My soles are sore. 

It started off with me wandering east of St. George Station and then once I passed Bloor with a shawarma in my hand, that idea struck my mind. Took like 2.5 hours but it was a nice experience, i guess...

Today morning was just great. I woke up with this awe, sensing God's presence; guess an overflow from last night's global day of prayer. 

While having a shower, I suddenly started interceding and crying out for this generation with the water pouring on my back. It was just amazing.

Earlier, God spoke to me through I Samuel 1 where the Lord closes Hannah's womb. She had to go through that scorn and ridicule while remaining faithful to God. She then finally cried out in anguish and bitterness and then received her blessing.
I learnt that lack of success doesn't mean lack of God's favor. God was building up in Hannah this seed, this thing that would make her cry out to God. Psalms 125:5 - THose who sow in tears shall reap in joy!

Besides, she went every year to the house of the Lord; she kept on persisting. ANother important lesson.

Just hope today wasn't just a temporarily high and that I would continue to soar. NEED to get to that place and beyond I once was.

God help me.

Tired, but happy

Today's one of those days where even though you're really tired, you feel happy. Most probably because I was at church the whole day. literally.well, except for the 1 hour I went home. 

So, I slept at 2:30 yesterday and tried getting up at 7:30 but failed horribly. So badly wanted to get up and pray early because God's reminding me again and again that if I have to go forward, I need to obey, and yes, He's asked me to get up early and pray which would mean 'sacrificing' using the computer and forcing myself to sleep. Anyway, I snoozed the alarm right from 7:30 to 8:30 and then it was too late to pray because I had to leave for choir practice.

The service was great; the worship set was excellent and the word that was spoken today was on 'Continuation' and shifting of the mind to acting on what God has spoken; Really what I needed.

After the service, had another practice for the Global day of prayer in the evening. Oh boy, I was soo hungry then. The only thing that was there to eat were chips. Returned home at 3 and played some FIFA12 :D

Went again to church at 4 to set-up for the prayer. Had to carry the instruments and all downstairs; my back hurt when I did that. My mom would say that I didn't have enough of milk. She always says that if ANYTHING hurts LOL.

The prayer was just great! Went deeeep and enjoyed playing. Although, my legs were killiing me! Ugh! My right calf hurts bad :/ But it was worth it :)

Yes, it was worth it. I was walking home, I was just singing and filled with joy; after a long time. However, I couldn't help feeling despondent owing to the fact that I had to return to my apartment. It's just this random feelings of loneliness that I hate! 

I was hoping that I could hang out with someone. Unfortunately, I don't have that many friends here. I miss Dubai a wee little bit. 

Oh! I just remembered! At the prayer meeting, after we had interceded and prayed for Canada, this lovely old lady shouts up and asks Pastor Sheela if we could sing Oh Canada. Gosh! It was pretty awkward because we just finished a 'warfare prayer' for Canada and just in that mood to sing a deep song or something and here she asks to sing the national anthem. She did validate it by saying that it had "God keep our land..". So after half a minute of awkward silence not knowing what to do, Pastor Sheela decided that we would sing it. Good decision. First time I had heard a rendering of the Canadian national anthem. Also, someone broke into prophetic tongues after the anthem; so I'm guessing it really did impact some people.

Really really hungry now. Food's getting cold in the microwave oven. Decided not to move until I finish writing today!

I'm off.

God Bless.

Family

Today was an average day. Was/am at my fam. friend's house.
Passed a lot of gas today - having too much curries, i guess :/ Gah, I'm disgusting.

Well, I just started a dream e-journal today! Spurred on by this really touching dream I had today. It's still a bit fresh on my mind.


Meanwhile, my dad and my brothers are going to be in TO tomorrow! Not overly excited, surprisingly. Of course, I am delighted to see my fam. in ages. Just want to hug them!!!!! I no longer have to say alone and dread going home after everything is done every time.
Well, it brings many constraints too.

Numero uno : I will NOT be allowed to come home late. Maybe, that would change since I've turned eighteen while I was here. Not that much of a biggie though because my Dad trusts me. He definitely would n't object if I informed him.

Numero dos : My parents are pastors, and with my mom coming over in a few months for good, too, they've pretty much decided to continue the ministry they had been given in Dubai (of course). That would most probably mean me discontinuing attending some of the services of the church I attend currently and honestly, I don't really want to do that. I guess I've just grown attached and all.
I was just asking God for direction regarding this matter the entire week. Surprisingly, I'm so burdened down by this matter. :/


Further, staying alone had its benefits. I grew spiritually just great. Yes, I did have times where I fell and could be avoided if there were people in the house, but still, the same way, the avenue to grow spiritually was more too. Thinking of it, it's stupid. What am I going to do hen I'm married and I have kids and a job(maybe)? I would have to grow even then.
Guess I'll just have to find a way and trust that God will lead me.

Today's my last day of 'freedom'. Got things lined up to do. No 'me' time :( Well, good to keep myself busy.

Tired now.

Goodnight.

Pressing on and overcoming

Today was a great day!


Starting with today's service in the morning :


The word was just what I needed. Just the night before, I fell into sexual sin. It was so bad. Although I felt it just sucked me all of a sudden, I could see myself falling slowly by slowly since the afternoon. Just through these months of falling and getting back again, I've started to learn what to stay away from and when to detect and what not to do. I just hate sin. I HATE it with all my heart, except for that short time I'm pleasuring myself; I think even then. Well, after I fell, I just was helpless. Hate how it feels when you've been succumbed to your weakness. I think it all boils down to not spending time at the feet of God. I think it's 'just a season' but then I feel that's an excuse I use. I then thought it would be a good time to read the Bible. 
Chanced upon Philippians 3 and it was such an encouragement : 


v2 -  ..put no confidence in the flesh.. I will trust my flesh's 'ability' to resist temptation no longer. I can only go so far and then fail miserably.
v10 - ..I want to know Christ-yes the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings.. I want to come to this level; where I consider all things a loss compared to the excellence of Jesus Christ. God, I so need you to intervene.
v12 -Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  I will press on.  Christ Jesus took hold of life in abundance for me and i WILL press on.
v13-..Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.. I will press on, strain forward and not be hindered by what I have fallen to. I will go forward to what is ahead.

That was what God spoke to me through His word yesterday night, after which, I asked God that He would speak to me through the word from the pastor and as sure as His goodness, He did :) :

Pastor Sheela spoke about how in and through the valleys of life, in pain, shortcomings and weaknesses, God can make a door of hope and can turn the situation around. Not only that, but he seeks to make that valley where you passed through, a spring of life (Isaiah 41:18) and from people who are not loved, desired, or fruitful, to people who are (Hosea 2:15,21-23). Wow, that was what I needed; hope I follow-up throughout the week what was preached.

In the evening, I went with a few friends to this dam not far from here. Played some soccer there and then all the way south to Brimley Beach. I, on the insistence of my friends, climbed this hill (well, a sea bluff). It was the first time I scaled anything. Yes, ANYTHING. Oh my God, that was the last time I tried that. Till about 3/5th of the bluff, it wasn't really anything testing. After that, it started getting steeper and there were less rocks to get a hold on and more loose limestone. If it wasn't for Jey pushing and instructing me at every step behind, today, very much, could have been my last day. Well, I did survive, after many rests on the way to the summit and my shorts and v-neck full of dust. Here are some photos after climbing it :

All in all, it was a great day. Learnt good things, overcame my fear of heights by climbing up the hill(well, not completely yet) and had some delicious Chinese food for dinner. Check.

I will press on.

Peace.

Time goes on...

Wow. I haven't blogged in weeks. I totally blame it on the fact that every time I set out to blog away, I find something else interesting to do. Fortunately/unfortunately, I'm totally bored now, so it's time to blog.

For some people, it's an escape, for me, blogging is just so that I can look back when I'm older; I think I wrote that before.

Anyways, since the last time I wrote, my exams were done, got my results and lazed around through the weeks that followed. Totally feel like I wasted my time! It's almost three weeks since the exams were done and I've done nearly nothing I planned to do. Well, not exactly nothing. I've met friends, hung around, attended Power to Change meetings and OH! I attended this 'interview' the other day:
I saw the advert. for this job as a flyer distributor on kijiji(like seriously) and since it was paying 50 per 500 flyers distributed, I thought it would be great job until SMC starts. Like an idiot, I didn't call to check about the details of the job and went straight ahead the next day. So, I use up a token, go to the place, inform them that I'm interested and yay! they ask me to sit down at their office. The manager then asked me where I studied etc. etc and then finally asked if I was available the whole summer. BAM! She said she couldnt give me the job because I wasn't available throughout. It was so stupid! I was in there for like 2 minutes.

Luckily, I had a meeting to attend at UofT but, I didn't want to use another token - walked all the way from Davisville station to St. George st. Despite being humid, it was a great walk, probably because I had a mocha cookie crumble at Starbucks on the way.

Other than that, the only thing really interesting was James and Nana's wedding yesterday! That was great. Totally loved the cultural dances, the food, the dance floor and most importantly the couple - God Bless them!

Well, spiritually, I haven't been doing that great, honestly. Since exams began, I feel I've totally spiraled down. Just lost it somewhere. Feel a bit frustrated sometimes because I try so hard. Maybe I shouldn't try too hard. No idea what to do. However today, during family prayer at my friend's place, someone was praying this scripture : "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over"(psalms 23:6) Wow, did that charge me up! Through Jesus, my cup runs over and I don't have to feel empty. Through Jesus, I don't have to prove anything to God; that's just amazing!

Hope the coming week's great! My parents are coming over to TO for good; mixed feelings. More on this later!

Goodnight!

Wouldn't it be amazing?

Ok, I'm on this dangerous trend of sleeping late. I could blame it on my exams, but it's not studying that keeps me awake. It's just something or the other.

It's 12 and I watch this youtube video that's caught my attention and BAM! it's 3, regretting that I have an internet connection. And trust me, I've lived without an internet connection. Yes, that's true - in a 21st century middle class family.

My parents were always very protective of us. Anything I got addicted to, it was removed. Immediately. Although it may seem extreme, I think it was great what my parents did; made me the man I am today :)

Anyways, back to my late nights - I was watching this movie today :

It's a Christian movie about this high-roller guy who has almost everything an average person could wish for. One fine day, he gets a second chance, a chance to rectify a mistake he made years ago.
A lot is focused on how the main character finds joy in being a dad and being married and ahh that gets me so excited!

Honestly, I cannot wait to get married. To have someone to support me. Living selflessly for whom God has for me. Ahh. And kids and everything. Can't wait!

Until then, there's tonnes to do. Just going through this short phase of despondency. Not that I have a lot of responsibility, but I feel so overcome and overwhelmed sometimes. I think it's because of the exams. Always gets me away from putting my gaze on God. I must say, it is getting better.

Btw, this really encouraged me today :
"Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me. Those who love me will have my Father's love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them".
ISN'T THAT AMAZING? It gets me all charged-up. Just on how God is so real and so reaching-out and just so good.

Off to bed. Another late night. Good night.

muy cansado...

Wow. What a tiring day!
Estoy muy cansado - Some spanish i picked up :D

Anyways, it's exam period. The worst month in the entire year. Especially if you've barely studied the entire semester like me.

I totally hate studying. I know, it's not like people actually like studying, but you know, I feel it's such a waste of time. Particularly when I hear people from the corporate world going like " 'I hardly use anything I've learned in my undergrad.' Studying's just lost its charm. Back in high school, I could study a lot. I was the nerd of the family, unfortunately. But now, I'd study for a final 2 days before.

So, back to my tiring day, I had a math exam today. Not any math exam, mind you. It was my last math exam EVER! Love math, but for the time and energy put to think through solutions, it doesn't pay enough. Yes, cash. Cold, hard cash.



Besides, I've been thinking about my future lately. Mostly because I have to choose my specialist in the next four months. I'm doing Business at school, but I'm not really sure I want to do that. Thing is, in high school, we had this ancient educational system. And since it was Indian-based, it was so narrowed down to basically two choices - Science or Commerce. Tried science for two weeks in Grade 11- Couldn't handle it despite studying chem for hours everyday. Commerce is the only choice I have and now, I'm stuck with it.
Honestly, I wish I was an instrumentalist or something. I just love playing them and playing around with the sounds. Aaaah. Just that I don't want to be sitting at Yonge and Dundas playing an instrument after learning so much. Choices! Choices! Choices

All said and done, I heard this quote from this preacher : "God cannot direct a parked car". What that meant to me was that I just go on and God, in His time will reveal to me :) CAN'T WAIT!

Got this really great scripture from the Bible this morning :
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are :)                                                                    (I John 3:1)

Amazing. God's my dad. And since He's God, He's the best dad ever. That's such a hope :')

Peace out!

Newbie

I'm not really a fan of blogging. 

Why did I sign up for one then even though i have a math final exam the day after tomorrow?

I just want to try how it feels to blog about anything and everything.

Oh, I could also check up my blogs and my rants and me and my wife (yes, I wish to get married in the next 10 years) would probably laugh at my childishness

Also, I think my story and my life may impact you (in a good way, I hope)

Looking forward to my blogging life!

Wish me luck (yea, like anyone would read this blog)

Yep, that's me. Crazy me. The 'me' hardly anyone's seen :)